Moving on after moving in
Happy International Women’s Day to all the powerful, strong, and resilient women out there! Whether you’re young, old, new to the club, or will join us here soon, being a woman should be celebrated. This year alone, we’ve had some amazing role models grace us in the news, from Kamala Harris, to Amanda Gorman, to Becky Hammon. 2021 is sure to bring more female-identifying women to the stage, and I for one can’t wait!
In honour of International Women’s Day, and it falling so close to the one-year anniversary of our Covid isolation, I wanted to write a post for women about moving on after a divorce or a separation. A year of living in isolation is hard; a year living with someone who you no longer have the same relationship with can feel impossible.
Whether moving on separately was your decision or not, now is the time to find a new home for yourself – one that brings you happiness, light, and is a safe space for you.
Here’s a few things to consider when you’re moving on after moving in:
Find an agent who supports you. This doesn’t necessarily have to be another woman, but just like gender may be a factor for you when choosing your doctor, consider if you’ll be more comfortable with another woman.
You don’t have to go it alone. When you’re shopping for a new home with a partner, it is helpful to have someone to bounce ideas off: is there enough light? Is the flow of the house practical? Is there enough space for all your needs? When you’re shopping alone, it can be hard to remember everything on your list, and keep things in check. While your agent can help you keep your priorities straight, it can be helpful (and fun!) to include a good friend in your search as both support, and common sense.
Ensure your financials are in order. Going from multiple incomes down to one isn’t usually on anyone’s plan, but it doesn’t have to mean you’ve got to move in with your parents (or geeze, your kids!). A good financial team will work with you and your agent to ensure you’re not overextending yourself, and you’ll be able to make any rent or mortgage payments. It also never hurts to start planning early. If now isn’t the time, start planning so you’ll be in a more comfortable (and confident) position when the time is right.
Involve the kids. While separation is never easy, it gets trickier when there’s kids involved, no matter how old they are. Sharing custody may impose location restrictions on your new home – you may want to keep them in the same school, or be nearby their other parent to make visitations easier on everyone. They may be interested in helping you find a new spot, particularly if they can help choose their new room, or if it’s nearby their friends, or a spot with cool amenities like a pool, or a backyard. Of course, it’s also natural if they’re resistant to this big change, and upset about possibly leaving their current home. Whatever the situation, communication is key, either at home, or with the help of a professional specializing in family therapy.
Find a home YOU love. We all make sacrifices when deciding to cohabitate. Maybe you forwent the kitchen island you dreamed of, or you agreed to make the basement a home gym instead of a movie room. Whatever it was, this is your fresh start. Make a list of all the things you would LOVE your new home to have. Being clear on that will help give you guidance when you’re looking, and maybe even make the process even more exciting.
Whatever your situation, I want you to know that if you’re going through a separation, divorce, or change in living arrangement, I’m here as more than just your realtor, and I’m a supportive ear ready to help you start feeling like a goddess in your new space.